Upcoming Labor Day!

So I went to the doctor this morning and he expects that J.T. will be making his debut sometime next week!! Wow, it's getting real now!! From the beginning I thought the baby might be born on the 3rd, since my birthday is on the 3rd of November and Joe's the 3rd of February I thought that'd be kinda cool. So we'll see if my instincts are right!

As wonderful and exciting as this news is (and it really, really is!!) I must admit I'm feeling pretty disheartened right now. To be concise, the issue is with the upcoming "labor day". I've been planning and preparing and honestly getting pretty excited about my plan for a natural, drug-free delivery. After my appointment with my doctor today though, as with every appointment with him, I'm considering abandoning my plans altogether. My doctor is convinced that I'm going to end up with the epidural and consistently tells me to just forget the whole natural plan and take the "easy road" as he even calls it. In addition, it seems that some of the strategies and techniques I've been planning to use during labor to manage the pain will not really be possible in the hospital since I'll be required to be hooked up to monitors at all times. Every obstetrician is different and unfortunately I just happen to have one with a completely different birthing philosophy than I have. I'm discouraged because even though it truly is a deep desire of mine to try as much as possible for as long as possible to deliver this baby naturally, emotionally right now I feel like I don't want the added burden and stress of having to fight my doctor and his procedures, though I have been up to this point. It's just that when the day comes I know I'm going to need an environment that is completely supportive of my desire for a natural birth if there's any chance of me carrying through, and it is clear that the experience I can anticipate at this particular hospital with this particular doctor is not conducive to that. Right now I really feel like saying, "Ok, I'll do it your way. I'll come in right away and get the epidural when it gets too strong. I'll take your directions as to how to deliver my baby," and just be done with it. I feel like conceding now, and not during labor, is the option that affords the most peace and least tension. But at the same time, I am so frustrated that I am questioning my plans and second guessing myself now, with only about a week to go.

I know it is in the Lord's hands, and that regardless of what my doctor says or what my emotions suggest, I can trust that He is holding me and that He is in control, no one else. Lord help me to know your will and to do it wholeheartedly.